Happy first day of work!

Yes, today is my first day of work and I'm blogging at 2:30 pm. I am either the worst employee ever (ha, hardly!) or lucky. We'll go with lucky... somewhat, more on that later.

My first day has been filled with conference calls, emails, and trying to solve a few problems. With my new gig I'm based out of my home office but will be out meeting with different firms all the time. But since I don't have my client list and still require tons of training that means tons of home office time. And while normally I would be using the time to do my training the problem is I don't have my supplies (i.e., my computer, and other fun gadgets) so I can't connect to the server needed to do my training. So my boss said to work on reading some material sent to me (been doing that), organize my home office (which also means to shop for things I need, seriously, she told me this and where to order from so the company covers the cost), and relax because it will get busy once I get my gear.

But knowing that it was my first day and that I had numerous conference calls set up we went ahead and implemented the baby-sitting schedule, round 1. Meaning at 8:00 am this morning my parents picked up the girls and took them to their house. It also means that I stood in our driveway trying to say good bye without crying. I failed. Then I bailed so my neighbors wouldn't see me crying.

Have I mentioned I have an overwhelming case of Mommy Guilt right now? Seriously, like I would buy the girls a pony and a lifetime of ice cream if they were able to ask for it right now because I feel terrible. Ok, not really but I did buy Charlie a shirt at Target yesterday because she lit up when I showed it to her and she clung to it like her blankie. 

While I understand that mommy guilt is not abnormal, I will say that I am pretty lucky. Not only do I have flexibility within my job (please refer back to paragraph #1) but with my training I get to ease into the time away from the girls. I mentioned that my parents picked the girls up at 8 am today, well, they brought them back at noon for me. Yep, 4 hours and I cried. I also called my mom at 11 am after two of my conference calls to check on them. I'm pathetic.

My mom and I planned this out, that the girls would go with them from 8-12 this week so I can work in the mornings and during nap time. But I still get all meals with the girls and I get to be here when they go down and get up from nap time. They just get play time with Nana & Papa! Actually just Nana this morning, Papa was sleeping because he's working nights this week which is completely unusual for him. I don't think in my almost 29 years of life (30 is the new 20 people so I'm like 18 right now) my dad has ever worked nights. Random...

It's great that I get to ease into the separation from them, it's been stressing me out for a while but my brain is telling me there are positives to it. I know that I need the mental stimulation; I've been in baby world and not challenged intellectually for a while now. I admire people that can do that, and while I'm not unhappy (not in the least!) being a SAHM, I know that I need the mental stimulation to really be me. Maybe that sounds crazy...

I'm also lucky that the girls get to make this transition with my parents the first few weeks. Everybody knows how much E&C love their Nana & Papa and it's not like I am the most trusting person when it comes to my girls. Seriously, I am mama bear protective, I may have to get a grip on it! But I know that they will be well taken care of and it's easier to have my parents pick them up than for me to drop them off at daycare and hear them scream. Because hearing them cry as I leave wouldn't help the mommy guilt at all!

So yeah, I'm lucky, flexibility, still seeing my girls despite working full time, easing into the transition, and did I mention I've worked all day in running shorts and a t-shirt? Oh yeah, today was pretty sweet like that.

As for my un-luckyness... I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that this is from stress even though I'm having a hard time putting the sugar issue on it. But after 6 months of feeling pretty good and not relying on medication to help my body I am starting to feel like I did during the worst of the PCOS. While I have been stressed with the idea of going back to work, painting the house, preparing for the girls' first cross country flight, and several other things in this world, I can't blame some stuff on stress. Like my low blood sugar attacks last week. Ugh... fingers crossed, prayers spoken, and positive thoughts that this isn't still my life. But hey, in honor of September being PCOS awareness month (well, really all female related issued like ovarian cancer awareness month), I thought I would of course share this! Actually it wasn't planned but I'm being honest here so... This is life, this is what it is to have PCOS and as much as I hoped maybe my body would get itself together after pregnancy it's never a guarantee, in fact I would be lucky if happened ;)