I kept this off the blog for so long and never really shared
it but a few things make me think it’s worth sharing or at least writing!
1.
The girls may want to know one day.
2.
It’s a pretty special thing and I’m sure one day
my memory will go…
3.
Curious minds out there (possibly the person
reading this right now;) )
4.
The many people going through this same thing.
As for #4- I posted a status on facebook a couple weeks ago
and the outpour was amazing! The support I got about a woman making a comment
about how the twins were somewhat less “twin-like” because they were conceived
through fertility treatment was A-MAZING. Way to make a mommy feel better!
Besides the comments, the private messages started rolling in from facebook
friends going through the same issues. When we were going through the process I
remember how many stories I read from complete strangers’ blogs. They were
actually helpful because they helped prepare me for what I could encounter.
Also, they gave me hope that we would have a baby when I was at a point when I
never thought it would happen!
So here’s the LOOOONG story…
May 2011: Random conversation with new co-worker who has
worked at the SA’s office for a while. She shared her reasons for not wanting
to work in PSB2 which included a long struggle with infertility. She mentioned
that she had used all the allotted money offered through insurance… I
questioned this further and discovered that the insurance offered through my
office covered up to $10k for fertility treatment in a lifetime. AMAZING since
Scott’s insurance (stupid Michigan law does not require fertility coverage and
AOI is a Michigan based company) didn’t cover ANYTHING. At that point fertility
testing and my unemployment had already done a number on our savings account so
this was welcomed news!
June 2011: Second random conversation occurring in the
courtroom between a court clerk (Amanda) and a private attorney (who shall
remain nameless but I will forever be grateful to!) about a fertility
treatment. I asked this attorney what doctor she goes to and if she recommends
them. She kindly gave me the information and I went off to research this
doctor.
July 2011: My insurance coverage began on my 90th
day of work and my first doctor’s appointment was a few days after that! We
loved our new doctor who is located in Rockford. I had all my tests transferred
to his office and upon review he didn’t see a problem with trying IUI as long
as we were prepared for the possibility of multiples. **For the record, you can be prepared for the POSSIBILITY of multiples
but nobody is truly prepared for multiples! My biggest concern was when can
we start?! Scott’s was how much will this cost? Both of us were happy with the
answers- we could start on my next cycle and the cost was much cheaper than the
Chicago based doctor and that was BEFORE insurance coverage!
August 2011: 2 days before my cycle would be induced I
started on my own! I went in for an initial blood test (my fear of needles was
tested this month…) and all my drugs were delivered and explained to me. Day 3
of my cycle the shots began. The first one was the hardest primarily due to
fear. I thought Scott was going to have to give me the shots but the look in
his eyes said “I’m about to stab my wife, oh crap!” which is not the look you
want to see. So being the control freak I am, I took the matter into my own
hands. Yep, that’s right, I started doing my own shots. Not a big deal to many
people but for me this was HUGE. Looking back though it makes sense, this was
me taking back control, something I didn’t have during this whole 2 year
experience. It kind of felt good.
Two days later I went in for a sonogram to check the
development of eggs and things looked ok. Eggs were developing but they were
small so the doctors increased the dosage of medicine in my daily shots. 2 days
later the same thing- sonogram showed little growth so the medicine was
increased again. 2 days later same thing- very little, if any, change in the
size of eggs. At this point I was nervous, the medicine wasn’t working and this
process wouldn’t work for us. 2 days later, a Friday, I went in and it was the
same news- little growth. We increased the medicine again and I was given the
news that when I came back in on Monday if there was no change then the cycle
would be cancelled. At this point I had been on the medicine for longer than
originally anticipated and I was having side effects that sucked- mood swings,
hot flashes, and nausea. I didn’t care about the side effects (even though
breaking out in a sweat while in the conference room at work trying to come to
an agreement with a roomful of attorneys was awkward…) but I did care that the
drugs weren’t working. It was also slightly awkward that every doctor’s visit I
had to bring my trigger shot with me but never got to use it that week so after
my morning appointments I would put it in my work refrigerator and take it home
again that night just to repeat the process.
That weekend we went to Chicago to meet Adam and Amie York
for a cubs/cards game and some shopping. At the time Amie was pregnant so it
was kind of hard to see especially after my doctor’s appointment Friday. But it
was a good weekend filled with tequila shots, a great run around the lake, a
visit to Tiffany’s, a cubs win, and just spending time with great people.
Monday morning… Scott went with me to this appointment
knowing that there may be tears. There were tears… When the sonogram started I
knew things were different. After so many you start to recognize what your
looking at and I knew things were different. Then the doctor started reading
the measurements of my eggs and I was floored, through all of our doctor’s
visits and all the drugs I had been on I never had numbers like this! In total
I had 4 good eggs and another 2 that were decent sized. Meaning I was given the
green light, the cycle was on! Then came the tears, all the stress and time
invested really hit me and I felt like I finally was given a shot of something
working. It felt like the first good news in such a long time! I gave myself
the trigger shot and made an appointment to come back the next morning for the
transfer.
That next morning Scott went in for his part… I won’t even
go into that because if you get the story from him it was HORRIBLE. Don’t
believe it. Not horrid, just my drama husband
2 hours later I went in and 30 minutes later I had an
appointment to come back in 2 weeks and orders to take it easy. That’s the day
I stopped running.
So two weeks… Not a chance I could wait that long to see if
I was pregnant! Especially not with test on the market that say they can tell
you sooner! I made it to the next Wednesday (a week before my appointment)
knowing it would be too soon but I had to try… there really wasn’t a line but I
knew it was too early so I tried not to worry but I kind of felt like there was
the FAINTEST shadow ever. I didn’t even tell Scott I tested, I kept it to myself.
He would tell me not to get my hopes up and I didn’t want to kill the optimism
I had. Thursday morning I tested again and there was more of a faint line but
still I didn’t let myself think it was positive. Later that night I mentioned
it to Scott who told me to test again the next morning. Friday morning there
was more of a line, but still not enough to convince me! But when I woke Scott
up to tell him bye before work he asked and I mentioned it casually. Saturday
morning I tested again. HOLY LINE! It was there, no
denying it, there was a line! I ran from the bathroom, woke Scott up and shoved
the (clean) test in front of him demanding that he look at it. He confirmed
there was an undeniable line and congratulated me on being pregnant. You can
just assume there were tears at this point!
Pictures: the evolution of the line, digital confirmation, disposing of my needles!
Next up: the doctor’s visits, telling people, 1st
trimester….
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